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  #1  
Old 10-03-2012, 02:24 PM
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diggydog diggydog is offline
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Default no title seems appropriate...

Before I start I mean no offense to anyone's beliefs by this - just really need to vent this out

About a year ago my very good friend Ryan's mum was diagnosed with ovarian cancer. She has chemo and a hysterectomy then more chemo and was just nearing the end of her treatment when Ryan was diagnosed with Hogdkins Lymphoma cancer. Ryan is 27 y/o and his mum is 52 y/o.

His family foster children and have a 10 year old boy they are fostering living with them just now and he has been there for 2 years. Ryan's dad works for me as well so I know the whole family very well.

Once Ryan's mums treatment was finished she was given the all clear but in just 2 short weeks her cancer had returned. That was 2 months ago. She went downhill very rapidly and has been in hospital for almost a month. Doctors have said she wont see out the rest of the week. The family were called to the hospital today as they think its almost her time.

Ryan has been undergoing chemo for the last 3 months, the lymphoma is stage 3 and in his spleen so he is at HUGE risk for infection and any small bug could kill him. Ryan is at the hospital today to be with his mum as she dies. He is risking his life to see his mum - being in the hospital could kill him but how could he not go and be with his mum?????

So we are loosing his mum and also the chance that we are going to lose Ryan as well. Its such a difficult time and words just cant describe how awful and tragic and heartbreaking it all is. I find myself hoping his mum goes quick to spare the risk to Ryan - what kind of person hope someone dies???

What kind of God would do this to a family? People say its a test, I dont buy that, others says its just their time.....how is 52 and 27 ever someones time to die. When the world is full of really bad people, murderers and rapists then why does this happen to such good people. Its so completely unfair.

How do you ever get over something so tragic...............
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Old 10-03-2012, 03:10 PM
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Default Re: no title seems appropriate...

oh Alison, that is just too much for one family to bear. I wasn't raised with a real strong faith although I believe but I am in awe at the comfort people find in whatever their belief system is and sincerely hope it helps them.

My darn facebook friends keep liking pages about young kids with cancer and it breaks your heart. Some of the parents though are so very eloquent about why they still believe in God even though their young son or daughter may be dying.

I don't know if I could be that strong. My thoughts go out to you and your friends and I hope the young man remains infection free and that his Mom is not in much pain.

hugs, and warmest thoughts. Judi
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Old 10-03-2012, 03:36 PM
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Abby's Mom Abby's Mom is offline
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Default Re: no title seems appropriate...

Allison,

I will say an extra prayer tonight for Ryan and his Mum. I truly do not know what to say to comfort, that is a very heavy burden for one family to bear.

Hugs to you.
Barb
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Old 10-03-2012, 03:47 PM
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jesse girl jesse girl is offline
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Default Re: no title seems appropriate...

i dont look at this as gods choice or even its your time or as you said as being a test

we are living biological beings prone to many things that can end our lives

nature does not have compassion or an understanding of love your body which is your gift only has what its born with to protect whether we get that from generations before us or just fortunate our environment around us gave us the protection we need

this becomes more difficult when family or friends have things happening on multiple levels so close together and your heart just breaks this is when your faith in what you believe gives you that support and strength to get you through the outcome may not be changed if that is what the body has decided

the spirit knows this maybe coming shortly but i believe you do have to prepare for death spiritually and look beyond this life.

there is something you can do to help people that are about to cross over the living can help prepare and get them in the popper place you do not want to avoid the conversation but discuss it openly and you do have to be strong for that person

in the end all you want is your love ones to go to a better place where there is no pain and suffering only joy and love and the hope when your time comes you may have the chance to be with them.


i think true love is a person willing to trade places without thinking twice about the consequences

outcomes are so hard to predict all we can do is support the ones we love and be there to them help them in anyway and be strong and positive to keep there spirits up


i hope and pray this family pulls together and holds each other tight with a circle of love whatever the outcome maybe
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Old 10-03-2012, 04:36 PM
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Default Re: no title seems appropriate...

Ryan's mum died an hour ago...........rest in peace Veronica we love you and you will be missed xx
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Old 10-04-2012, 01:13 AM
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Default Re: no title seems appropriate...

Oh Allison...I am so very sorry! I know a little of what this family has gone thru...I lost my mom at 55. Too, too young...and with Ryan so ill as well! It is just too much! There is nothing I can say to make things easier for anyone...time is the only healer here. Please let us know how Ryan is doing...I know we will all be keeping him in our prayers! Hugs!
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Old 10-04-2012, 08:49 AM
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Default Re: no title seems appropriate...

So Sorry Allison, So hope Ryan is dealing with this devastating loss and finds some comfort in the fact that he was with his dear mum at the end, as she was with him at the begining. And having to be considering his own ill health and prognosis. .....too too much.

Life is cruel, unexplainably so at times. Why do bad things happen to good people? There is a little 5 year old , April jones, missing/ likely abducted in mid wales for 4 days and nights. The whole country is shocked and striving to find her. I totally agree with you it is totally unfair. I have not answers to your questions, but I do know that life will go on, despite these tragedys and overwhelmingly sad chatostophic events. Somehow it will, it might not be the same, but it will continue.

Hugs to you, and Brave Ryan for loving his mum so much. This must of shaken your entire workforce and community. Be extra kind to each other in your grieving and support.
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Old 10-04-2012, 09:30 AM
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momofdecker momofdecker is offline
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Default Re: no title seems appropriate...

Allison, I'm sorry for your loss and will pray that Ryan has the strength to continue to fight his battle with what must be a heavy heart for him as well.

Such a strange world we do live in. John's cousin was pregnant at the same time I was. We were both due on May 5th with our first child. Both were having girls. Rebecca was born April 23 and John's cousin came to the hospital, visited, held her, etc... On April 28th she felt no movement from her unborn baby girl. Ended up giving birth to a full term stillborn baby girl (her cord had gotten wrapped around her neck and cut off her ability to breathe). She was the same weight and length as Rebecca. Eight years later it still breaks my heart as I truly can't image the emptiness and heartache she must feel.
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  #9  
Old 10-06-2012, 04:47 PM
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Default Re: no title seems appropriate...

Allison, I am so sorry I just saw your thread. What a sad sad situation.

I understand your friend for wanting to say his goodbyes to his mom. I flew to Montreal 4 times having been told that my mom would not last more than a day or two. She pulled through every time. The 5th time when my sister called me, I could not get the time off (my boss was starting to doubt my excuse) and mom passed away that same day. I had a really rough time with that.

All I can say is that your friend will need you more than ever now, stress being cancer's worst enemy. My girlfriend of 45+ years is also fighting the ovarian cancer and although she was doing good, they found her 34-year old son dead of a heart attack 4 months ago and she is really struggling.

I also feel for the little guy who has been living with them, he must be wondering what will happen to him.

Take good care
Louise
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