River didn't make it...

[Shellie]

Re: River didn't make it...

Thank you for thinking of other dogs at a time like this, Brooke! It's such a great tribute to River that you can use what you have learned to help others! Hugs and warm thoughts to you!

[CarolW]

Re: River didn't make it...

Oh Brooke, Shellie said it so well. It's wonderful that you can help other dogs, even in that massive grief I know you're feeling.

I am VERY, very glad you can consider getting another dog. I've always done that, after my last dog-companion died. Love is infinite. So, when the time feels right to you, by all means, go ahead and get another dog! These days, we can learn a lot on the Internet about caring for dogs.

Lots more hugs, and thanks for having your mind on helping others!

Mon, 26 Mar 2012 15:13:17 (PDT)

[buddingartist]

Re: River didn't make it...

Brooke, so sorry for the loss of your baby River.

You are very kind to be thinking of other furry friends and warning about ketoacidosis. I can vouch that it is very dangerous and I was lucky enough to take my Buddy in on time when he had it, as well as acute pancreatitis.

Take good care

Louise

[sheehs1]

Re: River didn't make it...

Brooke, Am so very sorry to hear about River. I started reading your story the other night and was hoping for better. Hugs to you...

[Brooke]

Re: River didn't make it...

Thank you so much for all your support everyone. I sincerely appreciate it. It's been an extremely hard week, and an even worse past couple of days. Can I just ask those of you that have lost your friends, how you all coped with your loss? I know I'm going to be heartbroken for a long time, but I'm curious as to how others dealt with these situations. I had other pets pass away when I was a child, but all this with River is definitely harder. He was much closer of a companion than any other has ever been. 9 years just was not long enough time with him.

[jim maceri]

Re: River didn't make it...

Brooke,

I lost my first Newfie (Sambuca-Bear) when he was just 6. We did everything together....working out of my home meant that literally almost every hour was spent together. Heck, I even bought my first motorhome just because I couldn't leave him home when we went on vacation. He earned his canine good citizen and became a therapy dog going to the local nursing homes and schools every week. We lost him while on vacation when he had a seizure in St. Augustine on the beach. We rushed him to Jacksonville Animal Hospital and they determined he had cancer masses on his brain, in his chest and stomach. I was devastated to say the least. He had been to St. Augustine for 4 prior years and I swear he chose that place to get sick because he knew how healing a place it was for me to unwind.

I made a you tube video tribute first...I wonder if it's still there, search Sambuca bear and I'll bet you'll find it. Even after he was gone I still felt his presence and talked to him, still took walks where we went together and even visited the nursing homes for months to talk to the folks who also shared in my loss. I guess it was the support of all those folks, my family and my friends in the newfie club that made it somewhat easier. You need to grieve, cry but never forget the joy and love you shared. I truly believe that when our time comes we will be greeted by all of our pets for a wonderful reunion. Time does heal and just when I thought I could never own another Newfie I got a call from a breeder who heard what happened to Sam and asked me if I would consider adopting one of her puppies.......hence I have Spirit. His AKC name is actually Castaways Spirit-of-Sambuca Bear and he's my little "sugar baby" now. You never forget the loss of a pet but trust me over time the tears turn to smiles as all the wonderful memories keep coming back to you. That was over 5 years ago and at times I still get teary eyed when I look at his pictures or his video but it quickly turns to smiles as all those happy memories come flooding back. That is also why we are here. I can't tell you how many times I've sat in front of my computer and teared up when one of our members loose a pet. In some strange way they are all our pets and we are all in this together. You are among others who share your love and commitment for our pets so know that if you simply want to tell us a story or share your grief we are all here for you.

God bless

[MaryLea]

Re: River didn't make it...

Brooke,

Strange as it may sound, I came back to this group and posted daily as a tribute to our Ruffles and to (hopefully) keep my sanity. Maybe it had become part of my routine, but being here seemed to help. I still cry when I think of losing her, like while I'm writing this note . (We had to put her down, which was extremely difficult! There's no easy way to lose one of them.)

I thought I felt her presence in the house, especially at bedtime (even though she refused to sleep with me). I kept telling her "goodnight" for weeks. Even though I have another dog now, I still think of her and miss her. She is truly "gone but not forgotten." Strangest part: she was not originally "my" dog, but was the choice of her other owner, who is now at university. So it became my duty to care for her when she became ill. I did not realize how attached I had become until several days before we lost her.

Don't know if this helps, but maybe you can tell that you're not alone in your grieving. If we didn't love them so much, it wouldn't hurt so much.

Mary

PS: Jim, you are right, the video is still there!

[JayneN]

Re: River didn't make it...

It was a hard loss for us when we had to let the vet put our dog to sleep, but we as a family were with him and as hard as it was, it was good we were there for his final moments. We all cried like babies and the vet was so wonderful, letting us take our time and spend as much time as we wanted with Max...I can remember myself, husband and 2 sons just bawling and then carrying our buddy home, all wrapped up in a towel, crying all the way back to the house. I put him on his favorite blanket while the boys dug a grave. I lay on the floor with him and just cried my eyes out...heck, it makes me misty eyed now, and its been over 10 yrs. ago. Coping I guess is something we must all do in our own way, tributes like Jim did on youtube is so heartwarming and others coming here just to post and be amongst caring friends helps.

I read the Rainbow Bridge about a gazillion times and it really did comfort me, I think it is just so beautiful. I think we just went one day at a time and eventually the pain lessened...never really leaves you, but gets easier to accept.

Hope whatever way you find to cope and find comfort comes quickly for you.

{{hugs}}

[MaryLea]

Rainbow Bridge

http://petloss.com/rainbowbridge.htm

[CarolW]

Re: River didn't make it...

Hi Brooke,

I'm so glad you're still with us, and I hope you'll stay, at least for a time; better yet, for longer!

I'm getting so much out of all the posts, myself. I've lost quite a number of dogs in my time. Always managed to get another, eventually, though it took me more than two months after Kumbi died, to find Camellia, my current dog. She's my first-ever Havanese - a very interesting breed - they are natural clowns.

But Australian Terriers, the breed I had before, are also natural clowns, in their own way. I never had a Rat Terrier, but I believe they are clowns in much the same way Australian Terriers are.

Above all, though, Terriers are spunky critters. Bet River was that way.

You asked how we cope. Well, in effect, there's nothing we can do to change our grief; we just have to ride it out. My mother, who was a very wise woman, once told me not to fight the crying - go ahead and cry. Crying clears up more easily if you don't fight it.

And for doGNess sake, never be ashamed of crying for a companion-dog who has crossed to Rainbow Bridge. Nobody, not even men or boys, need be ashamed of crying for a dog. Some people won't understand; they're the sort who think stuff like, "It was just a dog."

But - our companion-dogs are never "just a dog." They are truly our companions, and just because they've left this Earth doesn't mean they stop being our companions. They hover with us, appearing when we least expect it, teaching us more lessons from their lives with us.

So, by all means, cry without shame, because you continue your communication with them. Kwali, Kumbi, and my previous dogs, too, come and hover, each in their special places in my heart. They help me with Camellia.

So, tell us more stories, when you can and have time and feel like it.

When I didn't have a dog (brief periods after my last one had died), I went out to get my dog-fix, going where there were dogs, most very well-loved and cared for, as mine always were. I do love all dogs, though none, of course, as well as my own, just because I hadn't developed the kind of communication with them as I did with my own.

Yet- when we develop such wonderful communication with our own dogs, we also get better at communicating with other dogs, and that in itself is a joy. And it's part of what goes on here on the forum.

A huge part of this forum is sharing our joys, as well as our struggles, with all the dogs who are here with us. River will always be here with us, too, because you brought him here. I'm so very, very glad you did, and I feel it a great honor to have River here with us.

Big hugs to you, Brooke, and condolences and hugs to the rest of your family, too.

Tue, 27 Mar 2012 20:06:55 (PDT)

[Shellie]

Re: River didn't make it...

Brooke, I've never lost a dog since I was a cat person for many, many years. My last baby that I lost was named Nina and I'd had her for 17 years. She was this tiny little siamese that I had gotten in Spain when my ex-husband I lived there.

I'd had two cats already at the time and the last thing I needed was another one. We heard a noise at our front door one evening and when my ex went to look, he found her and brought her in. She wasn't in great shape...ribbon around her neck was almost growing into her skin and she had the worst flea infestation I have ever seen. But oddest thing...my two boys (two orange male cats) took to her in about a second. Usually cats don't do that but they did. Told me something was right about keeping her.

She remained with us thru several moves from Spain to Buffalo to Delaware to Charleston, SC where I ended up divorced and returned to Connecticut to be with my family. I brought both her and my other cat, Chauncey (the other male had passed away) with me as they were MY babies!

Again, we moved around a few times here in the state and they were there for me no matter what. I can't imagine going thru anything without those two! When I lost Chauncey...it was devastating but Nina was still there! My little applehead siamese baby! She would sleep under the covers, behind my knees every night and on my lap whenever I was sitting down. My little shadow.

Finally, however, she did get kidney disease like a lot of older cats and over a few years, we tried a number of things to keep her comfortable. The day came when it was time and I took her to the vet with my father to help me. We had spent the day outside with her so she could enjoy the sunshine and the fresh air one last time. It was one of the most special times of my life. I had her cremated and have her ashes here with me. Someday, my family knows to put all our ashes together (I have Chauncey's as well).

I had gotten another cat after Chauncey passed...now my old lady, Mika but there was still this enormous hole where Nina had been. For 17 years she had been my buddy...thru nearly my entire marriage and my divorce and my struggles after to find myself. She'd always been there! I missed her and cried more than I can say. Having Mika helped me so much with the grief as she showed me I was still needed and still loved. After four months, I did get another cat, Ria, who is now one of two again. Another rescue that needed a home.

I still have Nina's picture on my desk here...her curled up in a bathroom sink and looking up to see what we were doing! THAT is how I remember her...silly little thing and always getting into stuff! I can barely remember her last days when she was ill and that is a blessing. I want to remember ALL the good things about her!

I think you'll feel the same way in the future! There is no bandage or magic spell that will take away your grief...and no way to make the healing go faster. It just is. That said, remembering as much as you can about all the good things...when River was little, as he grew...that will help! Joy that you receive from our babies is the one thing that will lessen this pain for you! It far outweighs the pain, I swear. What River taught you about loving a baby will only make the next one in your life that much better! But you'll never lose that special place you have in your heart for River! You WILL see him again some day! He'll be waiting on the other side of the bridge and will be SO happy you have come for him!

Think I've babbled enough...seem to be doing that lately! lol Hugs to you again and know we're all here for you! Hope you will continue to visit and keep us updated on how you are doing!

[k9diabetes]

Re: River didn't make it...

I've done it differently at different times in my life.... the first cat I had when I was in college was similar to River for you probably. I grew up with her. And when she passed away, I couldn't talk or think about her without falling apart for months and months and I didn't want to get another cat for a very long time.

With Chris, our diabetic dog, it was very different, and I'm not sure exactly why. All we had been through with him and his health problems over the years, taking care of Chris, having a dog be a major part of my day, had become part of me and I didn't know who I was anymore without a dog in my life. We also had a fairly long period where Chris was failing and we knew the end was coming. Not when exactly but we knew time was running out. And in that sense we were able to prepare, something you couldn't do with River. I think these sudden and unexpected deaths are the very hardest ones to go through.

The night Chris passed away, I went to my computer and went back through many of his pictures and videos and it was helpful to me... which surprised me. I didn't think I would want to or could do that.

And then 10 weeks later we adopted a dog. Also something that I never thought I would do so soon.

But I had been spending evenings trolling the internet and Petfinders and looking at dogs for adoption and it was just becoming clear to me that, as my husband said the night before we adopted Jack, "It's obvious you aren't going to be happy without a dog. So let's just get one."

Chris was a rescue and Jack was a rescue and it was nice to help another dog find a loving and supportive home, which our Jack turned out to need more than we realized when we adopted him.

So there isn't one way or a right way or a wrong way... The pain is as deep as the love that you had for River and that is pretty deep.

Natalie

[Brooke]

Re: River didn't make it...

I think you're right, Natalie, about how unexpected deaths can be harder to deal with. Our family dog, Mia (the italian greyhound that I briefly mentioned in an earlier post), we all know that time is running out for her. I'm sad about that, but I've already come to terms with that fact at least. I love and adore her dearly, she's such a sweet, happy girl.. I don't think anyone could NOT love her! But at the same time, I still always had a different connection with River than Mia. I think Mia is my brother's companion if anyone's really.
I went to the local animal shelter today. Although I know I'm not ready by any means for another furry friend, I just really wanted to love on some dogs. My heart melted for each of them. It felt good to feel the sloppy kisses from a dog on my hands again. At the same time, it made me miss my little guy. Of course, everything does. I can barely stand to be home! His food and water dishes are still on the floor (not ready to put them away). I think his white hair he constantly seemed to be shedding will be forever embedded in my carpet and jackets, haha. I've also been going through all the pictures I can find of him. I posted a few more on here, by the way. I have this adorable picture of him when we first got him.. so tiny and wrinkly.. but I haven't found it yet. I'm dying to look at it again!
Probably the most comfort I've found has been this group though. I know all of you love your babies the same way I love mine. You all can relate. Many of you have had your best friend's pass away too. And I thoroughly enjoy reading about their lives as well, by the way! Thank you for accepting us into your hearts. I hope River is up there making friend's with all of your pets too.. and SHARING the tennis balls for once, haha.
Again, thank you all so much for your kind words. It's going to be a long long road to feeling at least somewhat normal again. I'm so glad I found this group, even though like I said before, this was NOT how I was expecting to use it :-/

[jjefferjo]

Re: River didn't make it...

River lives on and will live on - the suddeness truly is the hardest-stay present and keep posting here.
Jj

[Brooke]

Re: River didn't make it...

Went to the tattoo shop today. After River passed away, I got a print of his paw. I now bear my sweet baby's paw print above my heart. I trained him to 'give hugs' and the tattoo fits perfectly where his paw would land when he gave me hugs. I'll get to think of that every time I look down now.